I want to say first and foremost that adoption is a great thing! I don't know what I would have done without my parents adopting me. I am not sure where I would be in life...I am sure that my life would have take a completely different road. I know that my parents have given me so much opportunity in life and it is all because my birth mom did the hardest thing in the world and put her baby up for adoption.
As much as I thought I was prepared for this week - I was not emotionally prepared. Watching Sarah go through the emotional rollercoaster has been completely heartbreaking and one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. She is afraid that Kinley will grow up hating her. I tried to reassure her last night that I have never hated my birth mother - that I have nothing but love for her. And, because I have seen how much she loves Kinley, I will not allow Kinley to grow up hating her for what she has done. She is giving us the greatest sacrifice a mother can give.
Yesterday was the first day that Sarah broke down - and it scared me to death. I have already become so attached to Kinley - she is just the most perfect baby! After all the tears went away and I talked to her about my feelings toward my birthmother, she promised me that she will not change her mind and that we will be going home with Kinley. Tonight, she had a similar breakdown and we were asked by her to give her the rest of the night alone with the baby. How could we not grant her that request? This will be the last time she sees that precious little girl. Thanks to all the prayers from you all - all our wonderful friends and family - I feel more reassured tonight. She again promised us that we are going home with the baby and that she won't change her mind - but, she has a feeling of her baby dying. She is going through the grieving process.
If I can ask you one more time, I need you all to pray. Don't pray for me and Tony - even though it is extremely hard for us, it is 100 fold for Sarah. We get to go home with this precious baby girl - and Sarah will be left with nothing but her memory. Pray for her and her family. Pray that she can handle all the pain she is going to have to go through.
Tomorrow is the day Kinley and Sarah will leave the hospital and it will be the hardest day - and your prayers will be greatly appreciated to make this as smooth as possible for Sarah.
Thank you so much for all your support - we really appreciate the calls, texts and facebook posts we have received. We know we are loved dearly by you all - I just want you all to share a little of it with Sarah.
P.S. One day this will return to being a Laughing Place and not a Palace of Tears as Tammy Lakin has called it. :)